I have been spending time away from the two things that use to occupy my life: maplestory and writing fanfics.
Oh the latter was already in motion a few months ago. After university started, as such it could be called, I simply stopped. I had long wanted to quit, but obligations to friends, readers alike, kept me ongoing, however unwillingly. I am an easily manipulated person; a soft-hearted person who cannot help thinking about how other's feel ahead of my own feelings.
That is the reason why i deign to lock my feelings away sometimes. Why I can never be as affectionate as I used to be. I have been hurt. And i hide because of that, a coward.
maplestory... I think it somewhat crashed into my life and made a superb mess of it. The temptation to hide behind the pixelled face could be overwhelming sometimes. I know I can easily mask the real me behind a facade of a likeable person; i have done so too many times, even in real life.
I am dependant on the people around me, affected immensely by my feelings,my skewed thoughts. It doesnt help that I like to plot out angst stories.
As I was saying, I have been occupying my life instead with real life things I ought to have been doing years ago. Friends to catch up with, laughter (genuine and not the accomodating type when I may appear to be laughing when I am cursing you with all my might in my head).
The lunch with the ever pessimistic ah pek Ji bao was ...enlightening. He is really an ah pek at heart. Ling can attest to that =) Ling and i missed the 2I gathering though; Ji bao messaged me this morning to tell me that alot of people asked after the two of us. I havent replied, now that I think of it eheh. BUT, I was shocked. I think he was overexaggerating the ALOT part, but still, I never thought anyone would even think of my absence and wonder about it.
Then again, Jibao's auto-contact with me a few months ago was also a source of my beamusement. I never thought that the wu liao gui who used to prank call me in sec 2 just to tell me that he likes another girl would actually remember me.
I was the wallflower. Very well, perhaps not as pretty as a flower. A wallcactus then. =P Not a very good talker. Nerd. Not very smart. lazy. Ugly. Hell, even i would hate myself.
Yet. I have friends.
I use to wonder why.
I remember how sometimes I would dread going to school the next day, think of all possible reasons why i could not go to school the next day (oh, the follies of youth). Then i would remember my friends. and the laughter we shared in unision the day before.
and no matter how I had felt the day before, I would go off to school, and try my best to re-enact the laughter and fun.
Oh, i know, sometimes, things just cannot happen as you want it to.
There were quarrels. Tears. Phones slammed down on the other party.
But we forget overtime. Perhaps scared to know who had started the first deadly spark. Who had dealt the killing blow.
here I am, rambling again.
I was out for a wedding yesterday. The food was good, but the service...well, lets just say there is always a tradeoff for things. Anyway, they handed me a feed back form for the entire table. I was the only female there,and tada~ with the incomprehensible logic of males still stuck in the discussion of Warcraft, i was naturally the person to fill it up.
'Every thing put average lah!' Eloquent as ever, was my cousin.
I nicked his dessert the next moment HAHA.
So, with the wedding drawn to a close, I can look forward to one more angpow next year! Whoopeee! =P
I have been spending time away from the two things that use to occupy my life: maplestory and writing fanfics.
Oh the latter was already in motion a few months ago. After university started, as such it could be called, I simply stopped. I had long wanted to quit, but obligations to friends, readers alike, kept me ongoing, however unwillingly. I am an easily manipulated person; a soft-hearted person who cannot help thinking about how other's feel ahead of my own feelings.
That is the reason why i deign to lock my feelings away sometimes. Why I can never be as affectionate as I used to be. I have been hurt. And i hide because of that, a coward.
maplestory... I think it somewhat crashed into my life and made a superb mess of it. The temptation to hide behind the pixelled face could be overwhelming sometimes. I know I can easily mask the real me behind a facade of a likeable person; i have done so too many times, even in real life.
I am dependant on the people around me, affected immensely by my feelings,my skewed thoughts. It doesnt help that I like to plot out angst stories.
As I was saying, I have been occupying my life instead with real life things I ought to have been doing years ago. Friends to catch up with, laughter (genuine and not the accomodating type when I may appear to be laughing when I am cursing you with all my might in my head).
The lunch with the ever pessimistic ah pek Ji bao was ...enlightening. He is really an ah pek at heart. Ling can attest to that =) Ling and i missed the 2I gathering though; Ji bao messaged me this morning to tell me that alot of people asked after the two of us. I havent replied, now that I think of it eheh. BUT, I was shocked. I think he was overexaggerating the ALOT part, but still, I never thought anyone would even think of my absence and wonder about it.
Then again, Jibao's auto-contact with me a few months ago was also a source of my beamusement. I never thought that the wu liao gui who used to prank call me in sec 2 just to tell me that he likes another girl would actually remember me.
I was the wallflower. Very well, perhaps not as pretty as a flower. A wallcactus then. =P Not a very good talker. Nerd. Not very smart. lazy. Ugly. Hell, even i would hate myself.
Yet. I have friends.
I use to wonder why.
I remember how sometimes I would dread going to school the next day, think of all possible reasons why i could not go to school the next day (oh, the follies of youth). Then i would remember my friends. and the laughter we shared in unision the day before.
and no matter how I had felt the day before, I would go off to school, and try my best to re-enact the laughter and fun.
Oh, i know, sometimes, things just cannot happen as you want it to.
There were quarrels. Tears. Phones slammed down on the other party.
But we forget overtime. Perhaps scared to know who had started the first deadly spark. Who had dealt the killing blow.
here I am, rambling again.
I was out for a wedding yesterday. The food was good, but the service...well, lets just say there is always a tradeoff for things. Anyway, they handed me a feed back form for the entire table. I was the only female there,and tada~ with the incomprehensible logic of males still stuck in the discussion of Warcraft, i was naturally the person to fill it up.
'Every thing put average lah!' Eloquent as ever, was my cousin.
I nicked his dessert the next moment HAHA.
So, with the wedding drawn to a close, I can look forward to one more angpow next year! Whoopeee! =P
currently 20 of age
white is her favourite color
pastries and cakes are her love
a born slacker
who has no qualms about lazing the entire day away. SMILES.
optimist and idealist
loves the piano and soothing music
is blessed because of her loving friends and family whom are able to bear with her weirdness HAHA
"being happy takes less effort than getting angry at someone, so whyever not just be happy?
reflections
